My name is Kristen, and my husband, Jake (age 41), very unexpectedly passed away in August 2014. We have four children–I’d say “beautiful children”, but at the moment I’m not feeling so generous. There are supposedly stages of grief; these “steps” people go through when they lose someone they love. There are “advice-givers”, well-intentioned people who give you “tips” on how to get through holidays and anniversaries. You will not get advice or tips from me. I have accepted that I am grieving in my own way-and just because I’m not following the “steps”, doesn’t make it wrong.
A very wise friend of mine described something called “The Kristen Suit”. She explained that on the outside, I still look like Kristen, talk like Kristen, and act like Kristen. For all the world to see, I am still the Kristen I was “before”. But on the inside, I am completely different and all messed up. My friend compassionately stated that it must be very exhausting for me to be wearing my “Kristen Suit” all of the time. The “Kristen Suit” was the first thing that made any sense to me.
I’ve never written a blog before, but I have stories to tell. My stories are about how I navigate the world without my Jake.